[Editor's Note: NerdNerd usually posts over the weekend, and she would have posted this past weekend too if her editor hadn't been off gallivanting at Saturday Seders (?) and Julia Roberts movies.]
In my mind, there is a cultural tier of communication. At the top is a gold-leafed, quill-signed letter enclosed in a handmade paper envelope, perhaps mailed by the queen. At the bottom is the tweet. The queen would never tweet anyone, even her chambermaids.
Just above Twitter, blog comments and threats shouted across the stage at mudwrestling championships, but below email, G-chat, postcard, walkie talkie, AOLIMLOLOMG, passenger pigeon, text message and honest-to-God face-to-face conversation is the Facebook and MySpace message.
I thought everyone agreed on this hierrarchy. But recently certain individuals have seriously transgressed the communication etiquette.
Two weeks ago, this guy I met at a comic book store grand opening party sent me a Facebook message titled “Weirdly, the opera.” He wrote: “I have tickets to La Calisto on Sunday u wanna go?” That’s right. He asked me on a first date to the opera VIA FACEBOOK. Luckily, I didn’t have to dig out my best Crocs and Swatch to attend the performance because he soon messaged me to cancel.
Then just this week, I get another message. This time from a different seen-about-town acquaintance on my rarely-used Myspace. “you seem really rad!!!!” it exclaimed, “And I love running into you… maybe a crush/inspiration crush is forming? hahaha. I am lame to say it here, and forward, and you probably have a partner, and you might not be into poly-life… but yeah! Hello!”
Hellooo indeed! We have said “Hello!” maybe three times and now you are inviting me to a threesome via MySpace? Shouldn’t we get ice cream first? Or dinner? Isn’t it worth at least getting someone’s phone number before inviting them to engage in polyamorous sexual activity? I always imagined it was the sort of salacious invitation fielded over a fifth glass of wine or after a screening of Shortbus.
Anyway, this whole breach of communication hierrarchy is troubling. It’s like finding out everyone else considers french kissing to be “first base.” The big problem, though, is I actually like the first guy. I would go to the opera with him 4 realz. The main issue is not that it’s uncouth to ask people out on dates via Facebook, but that doing so is downright chickenshit. You’re saying something online that you couldn’t work up the nerve to say to my face. No one decent should need a crutch to say, “I like you.”
And bad news dudes. If I accept your date message, we’re going to wind up actually conversing at some point soon. I just hope you can talk better than you tweet.
